Dear Future Pastor: An Open Letter

Brothers and Sisters,

            You are truly special. At one point in your life you heard a clear call from God, telling you to spend your life serving Him as your profession. Of course as Christians we’re all called to serve Him with whatever we do with our lives and that is just as important, but it’s different for you. If you’re in college or seminary preparing to go into ministry, let me be one of the many people to tell you that pastoring a church is hard. My own father was a pastor. I watched him spend countless hours in his study preparing sermons. I sat sadly as he returned home from family vacations to tend to grieving families. I fumed after watching him minister to people and pour his life into his congregation only to be criticized and be met with apathetic attitudes. My heart was broken and my world was shattered when on top of his battle with clinical depression, my father felt that he wasn’t good enough and that he had failed as a pastor and took his own life. So I know a little bit about the hardships of being in ministry, and I want to be real with you.

            I go to a Christian university where many young men and women are studying in preparation to go into full-time ministry. For a while after my dad died, I thought that people like you who were going to be pastors were crazy. I just thought it was a terrible idea, if I’m being honest. Just another pastor’s kid being bitter towards the church, right? Not anymore. I’ve come to realize that just because being a pastor is incredibly difficult at times doesn't discount the calling you have on your life. Who will shepherd the flocks if you don’t? God won’t lead you where His grace won’t carry you. Never ever let anyone make you feel like being in ministry isn’t worth it just because it’s hard. Great will be your reward!

            Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I need to tell you about your kids. You may not have any yet and well, that’s great! Let me go ahead and prepare you. Now, gather up of all of the things anyone has ever told you about pastor’s kids. Got ‘em? Okay, roll them into a tight wad and throw them out the window! Or burn them or something. I don’t really care what you do, just get rid of them! Why am I telling you this? Because you are going to be different, and so are your kids. I think one of the greatest things my parents ever did for me and my siblings was keeping us from knowing everything going on behind the scenes in our church. If I didn’t know the mean things people were saying or doing, I couldn’t be hurt or grow bitter. It’s just that simple. Another thing that I think causes pastor’s kids to become bitter is the fact that they have to share their dad (or mom) with the congregation. My dad was away often, but he always made sure to take a day off each week to spend with us. When he was home, he was Daddy. He did study at home some, but that was after family time.  He never failed to let us know how much we were loved and how important we were. Your family is and always will be your first ministry. Make sure your kids know that. Do not neglect them and make them feel like your work at the church is more important than they are. Use your best judgment though, because sometimes you really may have to rush to a dying person’s bedside or comfort a grieving family. Just let your kids know that God put a special calling on your life and that they are your child for a reason. Set boundaries and don’t make your kids feel like they can’t make mistakes just because of what people might think. Yes, they are held to a higher standard but it’s not your standard or even the church’s, it is God’s. A successful ministry begins at home. If your children are following the Lord, then you’re successful.

            Christians aren’t meant to be lone rangers. That’s just the way we were created. We’re meant to share life with one another so that we can be encouraged and strengthened. That’s especially true for you as a pastor. You cannot do it alone.  You NEED a strong support system so that when ministry does become difficult, you will have people around you reminding you that it is worth it. Your wife (or husband) will be the most important part of this system. I’ve heard pastors say that no matter what people in their congregation think, what their wife thinks matters more. That being said, your wife HAS to be on your side. You will have too many people disagreeing with your decisions to have her do the same. And when you come home, she needs to be the one that lets you know that you’re great at your job and that you are making a difference. Because no matter what you think, you are. Include her in your decisions because she has a very distinct point of view, but also know that her role as a pastor’s wife can sometimes be harder than yours. She knows the issues that you share with her, but has to keep them to herself. She’ll want to defend you, but it would do more hurt than good probably. My dad also had a network of fellow pastors that he did life with. That’s important to have because they can understand your struggles and share in your joys in a way that nobody else can. They'll provide sweet fellowship and you will learn so much from one another. Have a friend who is in ministry and hold them close. They can keep you accountable and strengthen you.

            Don’t let the things you face in ministry harden your heart. No matter how many angry church members criticize you, no matter how many deacons disagree with you and no matter how many times you think you’re just not cut out for it, be reminded that because you’ve been obedient you will be blessed. God won’t always keep you from bad experiences, but He will hold your hand through them. In Genesis 12:7, the Lord promised land to the Israelites at a place called Shechem. What a sacred place that is. I think we all have Shechems, those places where God clearly shows Himself to us by making a promise or giving a call to move. Never forget when you began to feel God’s prompting you to serve Him with your life. Hold it close to your heart and go back to your Shechem when you are hurting. One thing I know is that God is faithful. He will provide for your every need and you will be cared for. Being a pastor is a great joy. Never forget that! 

            Well I’ve said all I need to say. I don't think it's groundbreaking and it's probably something you've heard before, but I never want you to have to say "wow, no one ever told me how difficult this would be." It’s been on my heart for a while, but I’ve been missing my dad a lot lately so I decided to turn that into something that could hopefully encourage you. Never forget how much you are worth!

Love,

Mikayla

PS-If you could leave a "PS" to this letter, what would you say?